No Self Respecting Woman Dresses for a Man Tumblr

A Girl Inside - The Real me

Are You a Man or Woman?

It's that question I've heard from some since I transitioned over the many years of wearing mainly women's clothes on my male body.  I mostly hear it from those who haven't learned what is inappropriate questions to ask in public, or are trying to create drama for not conforming to cultural expectations.

Rarely do I answer as I don't want to create a scene and fall for the drama chaos trap in some store.  Outside the store I don't answer either not feeling safe, not knowing who might be around.  I just walk on or duck into a store to feel safe as if I'm shopping for something.

Most of us grew up with the concept of the gender binary, you're a man or a woman blurring your sex and your gender as the same.  So when we see a person we try to visually assign them as a he or a she, male or female.  When we can't they don't fit into a cultural box of the gender binary.  They don't fit the established norms of man or woman we have been indoctrinated with by many sources.

Personally I would hope some do their own research and realize we don't all have to fit in to a cultural box of conformity of binary thinking.  Some of us have suffered with gender dysphoria trying to follow this flawed experiment.

Your biological sex is not always binary, male, female or intersex. Nature and science has shown this to be true.  And many cultures have documented this if you dig into the past.

Gender is not your biological sex, what's between your legs.  Your gender identity is between your ears, in the mind.  It is separate and apart.  It's also not binary and has many shades and hues like your own gender identity.  We see this in some cisgender persons, a person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth, although only very mildly as how they prefer to dress and personality.

Also as a side note… Who you're attracted too, or expectations of who you are attracted too, is separate.  I'm not wearing the feminine clothes to attract someone.

So… Non-Binary… is not unique to transgender, MtF, persons like myself.  I've just felt the contradiction personally, the gender dysphoria, all my life trying to conform in a society with a cultural box of the gender binary.

The question of… "Am I a woman in a man's body?"… just has never felt right.  But neither am I… "A man in a man's body."  But my brains wiring is just wrong compared to my body, my gender identity.  I walk the middle road leaning more feminine than masculine in my male body.

I do know if I was presented a button that would change my body from male to female I would push it.  A man does not say that, want breasts and a vagina.  A woman would.  But I do still have a masculine side I can't ignore and must respect.  But I will not hide my femininity ever again just to conform to cultural expectations.  But just because still chop wood, don't wear makeup or don't paint my nails does not invalidate my femininity.  Our ancestors might laugh at you for these silly expectations of femininity.

So the concept of a gender binary is a failed experiment that needs to just fall into history's trash heap.  People would be healthier to just dress as they feel in their preferred gender identity and not forced into a cultural expectation of dressing and conforming to their sex at birth.  The practice needs to end.  Just let us be ourselves and contribute in a meaningful way to society.

Your Own Gender Identity…
You Can't Deny Your True Self…

For myself it's a mix of feminine and masculine leaning more feminine.  It's not determined by my own genitalia, what a doctor saw between my legs and assigned to myself at birth, male.  It is said that by the time you are age two years old, or so, you'll be able to tell others around you.  At the very least some people around you will have a clue what you prefer, how you are wired.

All I knew of at the time was Christine Jorgensen, a person born male who was a woman in a man's body.  But much of the details of her life were unknown to myself, her story.  I knew I was different.  But was I like Christine Jorgensen, a woman in a man's body?  In the 1950′s and 60′s not that much was understood.

Gender identity as a concept was popularized by John Money in the 1960s. He founded the Gender Identity Clinic at Johns Hopkins University and formulated, defined, and coined the term "gender role" and later expanded it to gender-identity/role.
https://www.ucf.edu/news/gender-identity/

Was I lucky that my gender dysphoria was a mild form?  Why did I hesitate?  Some professionals though you could change your own gender identity, even your sexual orientation.  So I tried on my own.

"Reparative" or "conversion" therapy is a dangerous practice that targets LGBTQ youth and seeks to change their sexual or gender identities.
https://www.hrc.org/resources/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapy

That's another reason I tried on my own because I also knew I wasn't attracted to men.  But I was not trusting of medical professionals methods of the time, the 1960′s, like ECT, Electroconvulsive Therapy.

At that time, ECT was also used as a "treatment" for homosexuality, then considered by psychiatrists to be an illness. This was not a major part of ECT practice, but this is not a comfort to gay people who received the treatment, for whom it could be traumatizing. The psychiatrists who used ECT in this way sincerely believed they were trying to help sick people, which serves as a warning against "medicalizing" behavior, and assuming that this will reduce stigma. This use of ECT did not last, in part because there was no evidence it did alter anyone's sexuality. But it survived in the social memory of the therapy.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/electroconvulsive-therapy-a-history-of-controversy-but-also-of-help/

  Also the case of David Reimer was still on going and not known to me at the time until years later.

In the mid-1960s, psychologist John Money encouraged the gender reassignment of David Reimer, who was born a biological male but suffered irreparable damage to his penis as an infant. Born in 1965 as Bruce Reimer, his penis was irreparably damaged during infancy due to a failed circumcision. After encouragement from Money, Reimer's parents decided to raise Reimer as a girl. Reimer underwent surgery as an infant to construct rudimentary female genitals, and was given female hormones during puberty. During childhood, Reimer was never told he was biologically male and regularly visited Money, who tracked the progress of his gender reassignment.
https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/david-reimer-and-john-money-gender-reassignment-controversy-johnjoan-case

Everyone though they had David's, raised as Joan, best interests at heart.  But what became apparent in this case and others similar that your gender identity can't be changed.  They did not ask David his wishes, a child with a botched circumcision, just his parents.

Contrary to Money's notes, Reimer reports that as a child he experienced severe gender dysphoria, a condition in which someone experiences distress as a result of their assigned gender. Reimer reported that he did not identify as a girl and resented Money's visits for treatment. At the age of thirteen, Reimer threatened to commit suicide if his parents took him to Money on the next annual visit. Bullied by peers in school for his masculine traits, Reimer claimed that despite receiving female hormones, wearing dresses, and having his interests directed toward typically female norms, he always felt that he was a boy. In 1980, at the age of fifteen, Reimer's father told him the truth about his birth and the subsequent procedures. Following that revelation, Reimer assumed a male identity, taking the first name David. By age twenty-one, Reimer had received testosterone therapy and surgeries to remove his breasts and reconstruct a penis. He married Jane Fontaine, a single mother of three, on 22 September 1990.
https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/david-reimer-and-john-money-gender-reassignment-controversy-johnjoan-case

Over the many years… my own gender identity, despite my own efforts, was not something that I could change.  I did try over decades to conform to the expectations of my male body to be that actor, wear a mask of masculinity.  But each passing year the mild gender dysphoria grew stronger.  Despite my not being successful it was journey I had to take to better understand myself.

So why do I write this?  To inform you of the past mistakes others have done and to better understand gender identity.  You must ask the person and let them decide, not assume you know their wishes because of what genitalia they have or think they should have.

I am one of those person's if presented a button that could change my body from male to female, according to my DNA, would push it without hesitation today, but not in 1960′s.  It's a question I have had decades to think about.

You see those of us who wish to wear your preferred clothes, long term not just for dress-up, different from your assigned sex, are doing it for a reason.  I realized I was transgender and came out of the closet when the moment presented itself.  I have never looked back or regretted that choice.

There is no danger in experimenting dress-up and crossdressing.  Clothing is not additive.  We all wear clothing.  Most males will go back to their male clothing feeling much more comfortable seen in them, not feminine clothing.

But certain garments you were denied because of your sex assigned at birth, because you were told boys / men don't wear feminine clothing, become a brave statement to others and yourself.  I'm not doing it to be humiliated, made fun of or to attract someone for sex.  So why?

For myself wearing clothing meant only for females and you acknowledge that part of yourself that is feminine and is hungry to be acknowledged.  They add to your sense of self.  For myself, it becomes an awakening to who I am inside and medicine.

The crime is denying a person the clothing to wear to reflect who they are inside, forced masculinity because of their male body.  Or the opposite… forced femininity because of their female body.

Also understand that gender is not binary or always linked to your sex.  It's not either or, male or female.  It has shades and hues.  I am that mix of both feminine and masculine leaning more feminine.  We can't keep assuming a male must act with just masculine for your comfort, beliefs.  We are who we are.  This was another piece of the puzzle I had to learn over the long years.

So let a child, a person, explore, experiment with clothes.  Let them build a foundation of their own gender identity with their clothing choices.  Their choices will mature over time.

As for the rest of us please be patient.  Some of you need to stop targeting us with miss information, incessant bullying and nasty hurtful comments!  Stop all these unnecessary roadblocks to help and medical care.  Many of us are just trying to live our lives in some peace while we untangle all the misinformation we grew up with and continue to see from some groups.

You have to do what you have to do… or do you?

Mixed Messages…

You know how you feel despite what some might say is right and wrong.  You know what you have felt all your life.  Maybe it took some time to discern this from all you hear.  I know for myself I had to be sure.  I had to unpack and discern all I heard, find what was just old dogma or wise tales not based in facts, discern truth from fiction.  And then read the stories of those who have felt this feeling, felt different.

For myself this feeling has grown steadily over the many years and decades.  It was not a feeling I could push away or change.  I was able for a time to cover it over and wear that mask society told me to be because of who I was assigned at birth.  But the desire to be my feminine self could not stay hidden under the mask of this male body.  My real self would not stay completely hidden despite my attempts to say no.  I had to feel a piece of my feminine self on my skin, wear some clothes that were, or are, symbolic of my femininity.

Maybe today you can't dress the way you feel you may desire to be, at least on the outside.  Maybe today you're still trying to understand the whys so you could explain to yourself and maybe a trusted friend.  Maybe today your just trying to survive for the basics to live life while others say hurtful things.

Please… Do your own research.  Find the truth and that narrow road of understanding.  What ever you decide at this moment, what ever your circumstances are, you have to live your life one day at a time.  It's OK to stay hidden while you sort this out or feel safe.  The day will come and opportunities will present themselves if you are ready.  So be patient and don't be discouraged or give up.

For myself the day came, and I knew it was right, to put away the mask for good and stay as my True Self, remain as her.  I had done my home work and was ready.  Because it is MY path to walk with my femininity and masculinity.

For those without this feeling, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin to varying degrees, just be happy being yourself, dressing the way you feel and comfortable in your own body.  Not all of us do and I know that might be hard to understand as you see us don't feel this yourself.  I request your understanding and patience.

💖👗💖

The Power of Clothes…

The power of wearing a dress, or feminine skirt, is medicine to some like myself.  It's clothing that helps reflect outside who I am inside.  Even if it's just the feel on my skin, under-dressing gendered underwear, is powerful medicine.  It's something I did before I came out.

The need, and I do mean Need, to wear clothes that help you to project who you are inside, or just feel under any clothes on your skin, is part of this.  Those who don't feel this "need" may never completely understand some of the why's because they don't feel this.

They might just see the traditions of men's and women's clothes, staying in that box relating to their sex, male or female.  They forget that most women have a desire to be perceived as female, feel pretty, feel feminine.  Most men have a desire to be perceived as male, feel handsome, feel masculine. This is part of everyone's gender identity which usually lines up with a person's sex, but not always.  They also don't understand that gender is not binary.  It has hues and shades.  It can swing to the opposite.  Some don't want to project a gender, be gender neutral.  Some dress as a mix of both masculine and feminine.

To often some people assume it's all some fetish, all about sex or trying to attract someone, like a man.  To them why else would you crossdress, wear women's clothes?  They assume you must be gay without any evidence except the clothes you wear.  You must be labeled as a sissy and humiliated so you'll conform back into wearing clothes of your birth sex.  And all these assumptions and lack of respect helps contribute to transgender person's having a 40% suicide rate.

Thankfully times have changed in many places.  Most of us have already bought that dress, or skirt and blouse, and have all the needed accessories.  All that dressing in the closet has prepared you.   You've made a reasonable outfit you could wear outside.  You've longed for the moment, maybe dreamed about it, to step outside and be seen in those clothes, be your true self.  So if you're ready for the consequences… just do it.

Going with a friend, or family member, is a good safety step.  Where you go and what time of day is another consideration to be safe.  The day I did the sky did not fall and no one laughed.  Those who smiled at me were a powerful inspiration.  Soon after that beautiful day I came out to family and friends.  Today, many years later, my wardrobe has changed, out in the open, to many clothes that I wear outside to reflect who I am inside.

So bottom line is if you see a perceived male in a feminine dress just smile and go about your business.  Nothing to see here.  They are a person trying the best they can to be who they are inside.  They are an example of why gender is not binary.  They have just as much right to dress as they feel as you do.  And yes… they have always been amongst us.

Maybe "just for the day" will be enough… but we both know it won't be.

The Realization of Unspoken Desires…

Was she a reflection in your mind as you look into a mirror?  Was she a close friend who you've known for years?  But who she is does not mater at this moment.  All you can feel right now is an overwhelming need to embrace her words, embrace this moment, embrace being female.  The desire to shed your mask, all your male designated clothes, of masculinity and embrace femininity, wear soft female designated clothes, is powerfully overwhelming.

Your mind wanders thinking about being born a female with all its stock accessories a mature female body is born with.  A vagina is now between your legs and developed sensitive female breasts.  Your hair is long with feminine styling.  And you feel your bodies feminine curves.

You look back at her with your pulse racing as she speaks and you hear your heart is beating loudly.  Your body almost quivers uncontrollably as her words speak a desire you've tried to deny but know you're to tired to suppress any longer.  And all you can do is nod at her as you whisper…

"Yes… uh… Please.  I… I want to be a Girl."

Yes, there are going to be people who don't approve, even abuse you for your choices.  But this is your time in the world.  Shouldn't you enjoy it?

Embracing and Showing the World…
Who You Are Inside…

I know what I feel when I wear what some call women's clothes.  It's not a feeling of wanting humiliation, being called a sissy or being an attention seeker.  It's not because I want to attract anyone for sex.  It's wanting to feel my inner femininity, to feel it on my skin and see the clothes women wear on my body.  When I can do this that's when I smile.

For myself… If it were possible to just push a button to change the sex of my body, according to my DNA, and have a female body, with female genitals and everything else a female body has, I would push it without hesitation.  I just want to live my life as the person I am.  But it's not that easy.

Some feel quite comfortable keeping their penis.  Medical intervention should not be assumed or pushed because your uncomfortable seeing someone different.  Some don't because of costs, medical issues, etc…

I was taught by society, 1950′s - 60′s, that I am this male body I inhabit because of that penis between my legs I was born with.  And because I was born male and look male I must project masculinity as a male.  There is no other box.  Anything else is an abomination, going against the natural order because I dare to wear and project femininity outside my box of being male.  You're either a man or a woman.  There is nothing in between.

Women have for a very long time been treated as only a helper, the weaker sex.  They were considered property and possessions of men.  An example is a father giving away his daughter to a man who asked the father for her hand in marriage.  That women showing emotions was a sign of weakness, not a strength.  So for a man to emulate a woman was a travesty.

They, I, should be laughed at and ridiculed, be called a sissy and humiliated, not considered a man or a woman but shunned from society for daring to be different, step outside my role.  It was assumed I was gay, homosexual, to crossdress, to attract a man.  So many of us stayed in the closet, wore a mask of masculinity as we crossdressed in secret, not understanding who we are with a suicide rate at around 40%.  We wore that mask, if we could, to survive and blend in.  But it comes with a cost.

These lies many of us have grown up with should called out for the hurtful misinformation they are.  Society has covered over our history for centuries.  We have existed and do exist today.  Repeating these lies, even after the proven research has been done to show the truth of our existence in nature, is insanity by a society.

We are here and have always been here.  This binary theory of just two choices of gender is simply wrong.  Gender is a spectrum like a rainbow of hues and shades.  Your gender is not your sex.  Being male does not automatically mean I'll be attracted to the opposite, as if sex is only about procreation.  Let people choose whom they love, want to live with and dress as.

So bottom line is just be yourself.  Science has evolved to show our existence and end this binary lie of gender.  Your sex, your genitals, is not your gender and you should feel free to dress as your inner self, your true self.  Go ahead and smile when you feel those clothes on your skin and wear them proudly out in society.

Let's empower every transgender person the right to dress as their true selves without ridicule.  Don't be a child's first bully to push a binary lie because of what you think, perhaps uncomfortable how they might dress.  Maybe you might think it will be easier for them because of their genitals to wear certain clothes.  That's the lie.  Let them be their brave creative self with their clothing choices.

Your infectious smile may brighten someone's day.

Hues and Shades of Gender

Your gender identity is not something you can see.  It has to be expressed.  We've been taught most of our life's it just a binary, masculine or feminine like your body sex, male or female.  But actually your sex isn't as simple as your genitalia.  There are also intersex persons, a person's who might have both male and female genitalia or just female or just male.

Your gender is not your sex, your genitalia.  It's between your ears, in your mind.  Your gender identity is separate and far more diverse in nature.  It has hues and shades that can feel like it varies to some.  Current theory is you can express your gender by the age of two.

Your gender expression is how you want to express yourself with clothes, jewelry, hair style, etc…  It varies by culture and usually expressing your gender identity, your unique self, but not always.

Pressure to conform to cultural norms is ever present.  But pushing someone too far from expressing their own gender identity can cause gender dysphoria.  Gender dysphoria, a distress that results from an incongruence between one's sex assigned at birth and one's gender identity.

A person's gender identity, like my own, leans more feminine than masculine.  It would be easy if I had a female body, but I don't.  It's male. Culturally a male dressing in female clothes is has not always been accepted in our patriarchal society.  In the past it might have been seen by some as a man abandoning themselves to dress as the…"weaker sex.," that men are superior to women.

Let me be very clear… I don't believe a female, the average woman, is weaker than a male in the mind.  This is an outdated concept that many religion's still cling to and has influenced our society.  And second… Society should stop ridiculing those of us who are transgender.  We should not be culturally pushed, bullied, laughed at and humiliated, to conform to your concept of how to look and live our lives, what bathroom to use, etc….  Our 40% suicide rate should be a clue of how unfairly we are being treated.

So when you see a man or a woman don't assume a gender.  Don't assume they are heterosexual.  Don't assume society has fairly allowed them to express their unique self.  And when you do see a colorful head of hair or clothes, a man in a dress, a woman dressed like a man, or anything else, etc.. celebrate it.  Smile warmly at them expressing themselves.  We need more diversity and understanding to brighten up the landscape of our lives.

Unconditionally Accepting, Loving and Discovering Who You Are…

Sure people have told you stuff, told you how they feel because of their sex, their femininity or masculinity  And you've seen other people around you, how they dress and act.  But you knew in your heart it's not how you feel, it's not you, that you'll later learn is your gender identity.

And maybe over time you tried to be like others of your sex.  But you felt like an actor denying your true feelings, your true self.  No mater what you did over time the feelings just grow stronger.

You don't have to understand all the reasons and maybe you'll never have all the answers.  But unconditionally accepting and loving who you are, as you are, is an important first step.  This is how you were created, how you were made.

Now that you accept that you can try to learn about your unique self.  And another really important discovery for myself was learning I was not alone with these feelings.  There are others who don't fit into these boxes of normality you were taught.  You are not alone feeling different.  Their lives you can read about and how they learned about themselves.

Learning about others is discovering pieces of yourself, pieces of your life you can relate to.  Theses can be inspirational moments, light bulb over the head lighting moments of discovery and relating to others similar to you.

But you also learn in your research that some of what you were taught is not accurate, some have a hidden agenda or just outdated information.  Not everything is fact, based in science or is biased by some belief system.  Some is just theory that was later shown later to be wrong.

So it takes time to sift all this information to learn what is true, what is biased and what is just theory, how much of our history has been covered over and suppressed.  But reading about other cultures gives some clues.  There is some we don't know and may never know.  But it's important to step back and relate the truths you know to validate your own identity.

Love yourself.  Accept yourself.  Unconditionally Love who you are without regrets.

Nor Should There Be…
Forced Masculinity of ALL Males…

Of course it makes no sense to force a person, male or female to be girly.  Nor would forcing person, male or female to be manly.  That would be going against that person's gender identity.  But you see the reverse is what has been going on for centuries… forced social compliance of a male to be manly, and forced social compliance of a female to be girly.

There is good parenting for some things.  But crushing a person's gender identity, for social compliance, Is really a double edged sword.

"Those are not clothes you may wear because of your sex."

Consider the gender dysphoria some feel by being told no and enforced by parents and care takers.  Consider the suicide rate at 40%.  Do you really want to be your child's first bully?

It's why everyone one should be allowed to dress how they feel from a young age… their true gender identity.  They'll let you know.  Just let them be their true selves.  They will mature their dressing over time.

I Want to Be a Light

I have lots of purposes in life, many of which are being fulfilled in other ways outside of this blog.  But within this blog, I see an opportunity to have a fulfilling purpose.  And that is to be a light for other men/boys who are either curious or are passionate about being girly.  While it is true that some girlies prefer the fetish side and others are working their way into therapy and surgeries to become women, I find it is important to help boys find some sort of peace and contentment in a life of girliness.

I'm certainly not the girliest guy, either in dress or action.  That's due in big part to my age and circumstances.  I often joke that I was born a generation or two too late.  But I do see that I can encourage others in their girliness or toward girliness.  If anything, I simply want girlies to know that they are special, they are human, they are real, they are loved, and that they don't have to feel guilt, embarrassment, or pain because they're feminine in a world that expects them to be something they are not.

Because of those things I said above, I won't ever be the perfect example.  But I do think I can be a light.  I'm trying to light a way into a life of girliness that others can follow with me and beyond me.  I hope you'll be such a light for others too.

I love you, girlies.  You're making a difference!

CandieHart

Thank you CandieHeart!

I can most certainly relate to your words, having grown up in the 1950′s - 70′s.  Those were very different times compared to today.  I do believe each of our life's becomes an influencer, an example, to those who see or read about us in the LGBTQ community and everyone else, even if we don't want to be.  Let's also remember our cisgender sisters we imitate and support the equality they have fought for over the long years.

"Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house."  Matthew 5:15 (NIV)

It's your route to start, and you're the only one that can get on that train…

You Choose…
It's Your Life… Your Journey… Your Path to Walk

In life I don't wait for others to decide my path.  I have my own thoughts and feelings which are mine alone.  I know what I prefer and what drives me to strive for some goal or dream.  I get a job on my own, usually with character references, to do a job with the talents I have learned or blessed with.  Others might give advise, directions from your boss, but in the end it is my hard work, often as a team member, that achieves the goals.

I might walk this path with a friend, perhaps a best friend.  That friend might become a life partner.  And with a life partner you'll most likely compromise some of your choices as you walk your path.  But that life partner is never a full dominate as if you have no say in anything.  Even the idea of they, your partner, has the final say.  Some might like this but I don't think that is a health relationship.  If there is not full agreement, a way to compromise, then it's a dagger in the long term partnership, a house divided.

In stepping outside the box of your gender role self determination is essential.  You're going against the normal flow because of how you feel inside.  You might strive to wear clothes that are outside of the normal lane of clothes, of traditions.

You don't wait for someone or something you want or feel.  You have to make your wishes known or show them.  You have to make it happen and make the bold choice with your choices.  You then have to walk that path and live with your choices.

So stop waiting for someone else to live your life.  Plan your move and make it happen.   Live your own life, walk your path, with your own choices.  As you live your walk and meet others you just might meet a friend who becomes your life partner if you choose.

Embracing Your True Self

What's important here is being true to who you are inside.  And Candie is right.  You should not try to resist girly, your gender identity.  But I know you have heard those who look at you and say…

"Look at yourself.  You're a male.  You look like a male.  So be that male, be a man.  Wear the clothes of a man."

What's exasperating by what is being said is this is so biased in our patriarchal dominate society.  I appreciate all my sisters and what they contribute to our society.  But that's another discussion.

I can tell you with personal experience and decades of trying that I couldn't change.  And I honestly did try.  I believed I could if I just tried and embraced being more masculine, be more of a man, and wear more masculine clothes.  But like the Borg in Star Trek TNG said… "Resistance is futile."

It's called "Reparative" or "conversion" therapy, most often used to attempt to change a person's sexual orientation.  But it also been used to attempt to change a person's gender identity.  This is a banned therapy in many states.

Conversion therapy was found to be more harmful, the suicide rate and other issues, than helping anyone.  You might be able to build up your mask further for a time, on the surface convince yourself, but your just harming yourself in the long run.  Your just denying an important part of yourself you need to embrace.

The why is that your gender and your sex are different.  For most persons your gender identity lines up closer to your sex, the body you inhabit.  But your gender identity is not your sex organ.  It's between your ears in your mind.  Gender is also not just the feminine or the masculine.  It's a spectrum, a rainbow of hues.  I'm a mix of both leaning more feminine than masculine.

That's why so called "Gender Reveal" parties should be called "Sex Reveal" parties instead.  The doctor at your birth looks between your legs to see your sex organ, male, female or hermaphrodite.  They can't see your gender.  They see your sex organ.  You reveal your gender yourself.  And it is said by the age of two years you'll be able to.

Bottom line is being true to who you are inside is what's important.  And most men are most likely more manly than girly.  And that's fine.  That's being true to who you are.  I'm not temping you to be girly.  Embrace your manhood and be proud.

But for those of us who feel more girly than manly, and wish to wear those feminine clothes to reveal your girly side, don't resist your true nature.  Embrace it and enjoy your feminine side.

Feminization…

Encouraged… Submission… Caught… or Forced

In fiction this is so seductive, with different scenarios.  That a assertive adult woman would want to dress you as a girl, perhaps because were caught, a naive young adult who was curious.  In this picture meme because perhaps your mom, wife or close friend knows what you desire deep down inside, her friend tells you everything you always wanted but were afraid do to consequences.  But you might gulp because you realize she might be the spider and you'll become her fly, her toy, if you submit.

Forced feminization is play acting a role play fantasy.  You give up control, power play, to another person, against your will, as you play act protesting to the Dom.  But in reality you're eagerly submitting to everything they're doing with a prearranged scene what you like and what you don't like.  At any point you're uncomfortable with the scene you let the DOM know using a prearranged safe word.  The Dom stops the scene.  This is doing it safely.

In reality of course forced feminization is just play.  Your choice should always be the norm, like that prearranged safe word.  The exception is your being yourself or going against gender norms of the gender binary experiment, our unfair world.  Then it seems like you're forced to conform or face the consequences as you relate in society with a created mask that goes against your true gender identity.  That's the problem and part of the why some of us suffer from gender dysphoria.  There are other reasons.

So why is this so seductive?  Why do we like this kind of fantasy when it's not reality?  Why pick on cross-dressers?

Because in reality gendered crossdressing is discouraged in society, this gender binary experiment.  Some think that an average male who crossdressed might become addicted.  They want to think you don't have a fixed gender identity and you might become corrupted and influenced.  And even worse you might engage in homosexual behavior, sin of sins to some groups.  Some still think, despite evidence saying it can't and does more harm, you can be converted to conform if you just submit to the propaganda.

But there is a softer side of dress-up play which I do prefer.  That's a friend or family member who helps you explore those clothes, helps you obtain clothes and gives hands on advice in a non sexual and dignified way.  Helps you with makeup and gives advise and help most teen girls receive over years.  Parts of this advise can be found in various forms.  The relationships you cultivate are key.  But you have to be very careful who you trust as most of us are in the closet at first.

Forced to dress in secret, in the closet, due to these pressure society put on us, societies propaganda is part of the problem.  We hear no no no so much as we yearn to dress as ourselves and go out.  I'm a person who tried for decades to deny who I am inside.  It did not work and did more harm than good. But we are denied so much we wish the opposite could be true, if just in fiction for a short time.  That those who understand our desires would take our hand and dress us as the pretty girls we want to be in society, teach us what we need to know.

Keep in mind we, the transgender community, have a 40% suicide rate due to those who deny us and keep us in the closet.  So I'm not in favor of those who are not loving persons we play with.  There is a line between loving, sexual exploitation and psychological manipulation.  There are ways of doing forced feminization in a loving way.  But much to often it is not.  To many persons who claim to be Dominates are not and don't do it in a safe way.  They do it for their pleasure and not yours.

It's obviously complex and nuanced for everyone who plays in this fantasy.  It can bring some fun in an unfair world.   But simply helping us dress the way we feel out in the open would be best.  But I wanted those who read this to understand some of the reasons why many transgender persons find it very attracted to play, but horrified by the false information, exploitation and those who think it's our preferred reality.

We just want a dignified existence where we can dress the way we feel without judgement or exploitation.  Let us live in peace as we live with you in society.

What Drives Me to Be a Girl… a Woman?

This is a question that took many years, decades, to understand in my life so I could give an honest answer to myself and a reasonable person who might ask.  During this journey, at a very young age, I received several pieces of misinformation that early on led me to an incorrect conclusion, the 1960′s.  So I spent years denying this part of myself, the thinking I just needed to embrace the masculine and that dressing as her was a sin.

But this feeling and need did not go away, or be pushed away despite my efforts, and just grew stronger over the years.  I knew I had to face it and understand the why.  So I was driven, almost obsessed, to find the answer.  And Yes… I was excited every time I wore feminine clothes and so disappointed I had to return to my masculine clothes.

What helped a lot was reading about others who had similar feelings and desires.  I knew I was not alone with these feelings and needs.  I've always had, from a very young age, an interest and related to, the feminine more than the masculine.  This interest was before I ever wore my mother's clothes for the first time.

It was excitement at first, as I dressed in secret.  But over time as I obtained my own feminine clothes, and I did it more often, I felt something else, calmness.  This calmness stood out to me and I created more times to stay dressed in secret to test it.

I bought more clothes, not just what I call play clothes, that I could create an outfits that were reasonable.  I felt such a desire to stay dressed this way, to end the secret, that my boy clothes were a mask I wanted to purge.  The desire to walk out the door in these feminine clothes as my clothes was powerful.

In preparation I had to answer the question to myself that dressing as a girl / woman was being myself.  The reason was and is this is my gender identity.  My gender and my sex are separate.

The second question I need to answer to myself is whom I'm attracted to has nothing to do with how I'm dressed, how I present.  In other words I'm not attracted to men at this point in my life.

And the third question I needed to answer is this is how I was created, it was not a mistake or a sin.  After reading the bible in depth I don't believe being heterosexual is the only way.  There is nothing wrong with being gay.  I don't dress to trick someone.   I'm upfront with who I am.  How you conduct yourself is what is important, not that your sexual orientation is.  Your partner is not just about procreation.  Reading the bible yourself in context is very important, not just a single passage out of context.  Gain your own faith.

With these questions answered and understanding the consequences of coming out of the closet financially, in an unfair world, I successfully had my first time out dressed as a woman.  I repeated this many more times and soon came out to my family and friends giving the answers to the questions I knew they would have.  I felt solid in doing this and I have no regrets.  That was about ten years ago or so.

Yes… the subject interests me because I personally live it in my life, my ongoing slow transition.  Dressing as a woman puts a smile on my face as I'm being true to my gender identity, myself.

Those Questions…

Being transgender comes with a lot of very personal questions way too often that really are inappropriate… Like the question if I had bottom surgery or some medical intervention.

Those questions should never be asked in a casual setting.  I mean… do you ask a cisgender man or woman what's between their legs in casual talk?  You wouldn't.  It's just not appropriate.  It's very private and none of most person's business.  If you pressure me to answer you're motives are clear.  I'm most likely going to ask you to leave or leave that place for being so crass.

If you're in private with someone, I trust you, you're both attracted to each other and considering being intimate it's an appropriate question.  The only other times would be someone I trust in private, a close friend, a close family member or a medical professional, whom I share those private questions.  These are persons who handle this very personal private information discreetly.  It's not posted on social media, shared in whispers as gossip or shouted from the roof top.

Many persons assume a lot if you have a penis.  Like you're not committed to being female because you're not emasculated.  Another assumption assumes you'll use that penis in a dominating way to have sex, that women are not safe around you.  These hurtful assumptions really do make and ass of both you and me.

Some don't understand the challenges of a transition.  Many are still afflicted with binary thinking of gender, you are either a man or a woman with no one living in between those two boxes, a non-binary person.  The other challenge is that a transition is not a over night process.  It takes time.  Costs can be high or not affordable.  Laws may create road blocks in a person's transition.  These struggles and frustrations can add to the transgender person's gender dysphoria.

So don't ask. Don't assume.  Smile.  You don't know the struggles societies puts on a transgender person's path.  Be kind and complementary as we try hard to be our true selves.

kittlesonlathand74.blogspot.com

Source: https://sanderlay.tumblr.com/

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